The Haunting of the Lawnmower

How many years has it been now a quarter of a century and the haunting of the lawnmower Why O Why does this send a shiver down my spine. It’s good that it still does.. Don’t get me wrong it not freaking me out but my god it sure bring back lots of memories

Green fresh cut grass, I can still smell it. If your out walking & smell the grass been cut it send a shiver through my spine and a smile on my face, of how the simple things in life smell so good.

Running down the stepping stones, between the freshly cut lawns daisies around our legs, to get sweets you just bought us, reaching up to try and get them but your so high up in the lorry, at four we can't reach you, and how many times did we trip up running to meet you at the end of the stepping stones. We both ended up with cuts on our forehead, but you always looked after us.. All these years later we still have the scars on our forehead, as I always said they are start of the Track Marks to my Soul.

I had a dream recently that you walk-in the door one day as weird as you knew nothing of the last twenty five years. Were where you? Who were you with? Why did you leave us? The questions are endless…But you sit their so quite looking around at space, your asking your self how you got here, it just a dream Daddy.

You still look the same, as the last time I saw you, my heart broke that day and I know I broke your heart that day too.” Please don’t go” you said, and I turned and walk away, my heart breaking in two, wanting to look back, but knew I could not, I did not want to see the tears in your eye as I walk our the door and out of your life, nineteen years you had look after me..

Daddy the last twenty five year has been amazing, I have had lots of good times, sad time, weird times, angry times, but I would not change any of the twenty five years since I last saw you...

I would change the night I left just so that I did not have to see your heart breaking on that cold dark wet winters evening. I never saw you again and that breaks my heart, but like you Daddy I hold back the tears.

Who would have ever thought that their was a exercise call the lawnmower, and as my client and myself pick up the weight and quickly pull it up like you would if you were starting a lawnmower hard through the movement, laughter in the air, smiles on our faces, and feeling the muscle deep in our back working, my heart has just broke once again, just for a split second, but you know the feeling only to well, love and heart break all mixed up together., if you look deep enough in to the back of my eyes you will see the sadness of the haunting of the lawnmower.

Most days while I going through my day I here this exercise being used and it brings me back to the 30^th September 1985 how things could have been so different if you had decided to do something different that day..

The bright sunny day just after lunch you wave Mammy of to work, Jessie barking in the grass at her ball, who would have ever though that this was the last time she see you laughing and joking.

As you quickly pull up starting the lawnmower, laughter in the air, a smile on your face Daddy who would have ever thought this day 30^th September 1985 was the end of your life.

The lawnmower took you from us that day Daddy.

R. I. P

X

Done it, so prove it.

Down the narrow lane again I trot, why is it I always feel as if I have something to prove. Once I get to in to the woods they are looking at me, I can’t see them but sense them around me their eyes are piercing in to me.

Where do I go left or right or straight trough the middle freak these beady eyes out & get them of guard, I never seem to get close enough to freak them out unless it dusk or dawn. But they sure keep me on my toes

I know they know all that goes on with me, they hear the entire story daily as I rant and rave and I am pretty sure that nothing at this stage will shock them…Some day soon I will get to sit and talk to these beady eyes and see the sadness deep in their dark eyes.

Don’t we all have a dark side to us? these beady eyes friends has to have a side dark deeper than mine can ever be…..So today I have done my miles and proved to the beady eyes that their is still life in this old gal…. Just maybe tomorrow I get up close and personal with my beady eye friends….Deer oh Deer